Please welcome Carl Graziani to Super Store Industries on 21 April 2014.
In fourteen days a president with sterling creds will start,
To lead and guide our company through maze of global-mart.
His calm and regal bearing should allay the griping fears
That grip their throats- the whole damn lot of his passed-over peers.
The dairies are of prime concern*; to staunch the flood of red
Means customers of different stripes must climb into this bed,
(And stupid California cows must mitigate each fart
Lest stupid California pols steal both the horse AND cart.)
All full-serve retail grocery stores are losing market shares,
And dry&frozen must compete against the mass goods wares.**
Economies of scale are lost when stocking two ship points;
Unduplicate this crazy scheme!- put noses back in joints.
Yes! Carl Graziani will plug holes in sinking ship;
‘Mongst dinosaurs, some heads will roll and hearts will beating skip.
That sheepskin, long ago acquired, has served him oh, so well;
His lucky star’s trajectory now brings him here pell-mell.
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* This 2013 study “suggests that PORTIONS have changed relatively little and, therefore, that changes over time in [decreased] QUANTITY reflect primarily changes in [decreased] FREQUENCY.” http://www.ers.usda.gov/media/1118789/err149.pdf
** #1 and #3 are Wal-Mart and Target on this 2013 Progressive Grocer list; neither company reports the grocery segment of its business.