Writer's Block

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He skates fast and controlled, but he clips
Errant rock. . . makes him wobble. . . he slips!
Oy! He’d had the lead nicely,
But the group’s on thin ice-ly –
How would you caption these comic strips?
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Unmentionables In Passing

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The short meet quickly came to impasse
As my ex- charged I only harass;
Though her bank accounts shrunk
‘Cause her earning skills stunk,
She did not like the term "working-class."
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Opening Gambit

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The few words she spoke, both prim and tart,
Made it clear we’re still miles, miles apart.
“You’re a prick, don’t you see?
And I’m sure you’ll agree
That your suit is way, way off the chart.”
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Blessèd Ends

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It’s a tour - there’s no need to compete;
Just enjoy the bike – helm, gloves and cleat.
Long-ass ride makes my bum
Start to chafe, then go numb--
Trade from shorts to my kilt with kick pleat.
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Middle Earth and Present Earth

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Every tree on the land is a snag,
All around there’s but fire and slag.
Hobbit life? There’s a dearth,
Ekeing out of scorched earth.
No white horse, just a black wingèd nag.
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My Lawyer's Bigger Than Yours!

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While his ex- was asleep at her switch,
He filed motions designed to unhitch
His affairs from her grasp…
Awful, burbling gasp!
Eyebrows jumped! and she started to twitch!

“I don’t care for ideas that you pitch,
For they’ll all come to naught! Oh, and which
Of your balls will you lose
On this round, dear? You choose…
Or, I'll leave you with nothing to itch!”
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Rave At Stonehenge!...

Hey there, baby, you got any glow-gourds?
Bring ‘em out to tonight’s Stonehenge slow-chords.
Plus, we’ll drop a few pills
To dispense with our ills,
Misbehavin’ out on the old mow-swards*.

*the old Scots word “mow” refers to that most ancient human activity.

reference: “Glow-Gourds at Stonehenge Raves All the Rage” http://www.npr.org/2011/05/14/136295663/listener-limerick-challenge .
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All Hallows Eve

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The Great Pumpkin, that kingliest gourd,
Rises up! – becomes fully unmoored.
Quickly floats yard-to-yard
And attempts to retard
The predations of over-age horde.
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Eyes and Ears

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At the opera, Mame started to fret
That she may have misplaced her lorgnette,
But the music she heard
Sounded really absurd!
Was that 8-track or maybe cassette?
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Slack Times

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Now THAT was a most hurtful crack…
…And the reason you called me a quack?
I’m not God, don’t you know;
I can’t make your thing grow –
Have your wife help you take up the thwack!
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Trimming It To The Core

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Her body was svelte, sleek and trim,
For herself (and to look good for him),
Lest her frame become dense
And he stray o’er the fence–
Such domestic noblesse that we limn!
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Tinkle-Toes

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Beat the ravage of Time? All men flee!
But from life’s ups-and-downs we’re not free;
On this most human topic
We obey laws entropic—
When we hit fifty years, we can’t pee.
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UNBEFOULING THE NEST?

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If the home is considered her ‘nest,’
And the kids have done well and progressed,
When the count drops to two
And her focus is you,
In all likelihood YOU she’ll divest.

Several decades, her feelings repressed,
Caused her female mind to congest.
So we’re done now because
(just believe me) it does
Absolutely no good to protest.

@Kiran mentioned the great ‘acid test’
Of a marriage. More like an Inquest!
“After years of your slop,
We have come to full stop—
I regard you as naught but ‘egest.’ ”
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Crickety-Crick In My Nickity-Nick

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Dickety sticked his frist ickety-pick
‘Fore the widgety-thing went xick-click!
Irt the kickety-clock
Chirped sum hickety-pock—
Evermore it was slickety-slick.
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On Walking to Work on Walk to Work Day

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Walked to work once – about couple miles.
‘Long the way there were plenty of smiles;
For it’s humorous, see,
To step into some… sheesh!…
With black wingtips and spats, climbing stiles.

(from 4 April 2012)
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Wheeling Around The Dance Floor

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After William Dunbar (1460 - ); from his morality tale, "The Dance of the Seven Deadly Sins"

“Mahoun” wore a coat like a “quheill,”
Hung in “rumpillis” clear down to his “heill”
At the party he threw
For some folks (me and you);
Seven times “air of Hell” – a raw deal.

Mahoun - Satan
quheill - wheel
rumpillis - pleats
heill - heel
air of Hell - the poem's double meaning of 1) Satan as heir of Hell, and 2) referring to Satan's monstrous and near-deadly farting.
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Easing On Down the Road

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As supply of the new rag outpaced
Its demand – Look! Its value erased!
Great disaster in ranks
If still held in the banks
And the greenback’s completely debased.
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Knock 'Em Dead

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The old joke goes this way: “Hey! Knock, knock!”
Comes the query, “Who’s there?” like a clock.
And the set: “I’m a boo.”
Response: “I’m a boo WHO?”
“You sure are!” - as they chase ‘round the block.
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Knocking Around

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Port prop engine had started to knock,
And some birds swooped on past- a big flock!-
I thought it unfair
They were lighter than air
As I fast approached cliffs made of chalk.
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Plan Unraveled

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His scheme was the slightest bit frayed
For, in truth, he had simply parlayed
His initial small stash
Into promise of cash—
The result – how you say? – much clichéd.
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