Writer's Block

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He skates fast and controlled, but he clips
Errant rock. . . makes him wobble. . . he slips!
Oy! He’d had the lead nicely,
But the group’s on thin ice-ly –
How would you caption these comic strips?
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Unmentionables In Passing

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The short meet quickly came to impasse
As my ex- charged I only harass;
Though her bank accounts shrunk
‘Cause her earning skills stunk,
She did not like the term "working-class."
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Opening Gambit

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The few words she spoke, both prim and tart,
Made it clear we’re still miles, miles apart.
“You’re a prick, don’t you see?
And I’m sure you’ll agree
That your suit is way, way off the chart.”
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Blessèd Ends

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It’s a tour - there’s no need to compete;
Just enjoy the bike – helm, gloves and cleat.
Long-ass ride makes my bum
Start to chafe, then go numb--
Trade from shorts to my kilt with kick pleat.
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Middle Earth and Present Earth

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Every tree on the land is a snag,
All around there’s but fire and slag.
Hobbit life? There’s a dearth,
Ekeing out of scorched earth.
No white horse, just a black wingèd nag.
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Election Results Moot

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The truth is it matters not which
Of the parties got hold of the switch;
It’s the Fed Reserve “drug”
Got US pinned to the rug –
"Fat cats" now only ones getting rich.
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My Lawyer's Bigger Than Yours!

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While his ex- was asleep at her switch,
He filed motions designed to unhitch
His affairs from her grasp…
Awful, burbling gasp!
Eyebrows jumped! and she started to twitch!

“I don’t care for ideas that you pitch,
For they’ll all come to naught! Oh, and which
Of your balls will you lose
On this round, dear? You choose…
Or, I'll leave you with nothing to itch!”
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Rave At Stonehenge!...

Hey there, baby, you got any glow-gourds?
Bring ‘em out to tonight’s Stonehenge slow-chords.
Plus, we’ll drop a few pills
To dispense with our ills,
Misbehavin’ out on the old mow-swards*.

*the old Scots word “mow” refers to that most ancient human activity.

reference: “Glow-Gourds at Stonehenge Raves All the Rage” http://www.npr.org/2011/05/14/136295663/listener-limerick-challenge .
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All Hallows Eve

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The Great Pumpkin, that kingliest gourd,
Rises up! – becomes fully unmoored.
Quickly floats yard-to-yard
And attempts to retard
The predations of over-age horde.
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The Demonic Duo

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Mr. Brinton and my poor ex-wife
Got together - they’re stropping a knife!
Stinging sulphurous smell–
It’s a match made in Hell!
Not much left of her mis’rable life…
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Eyes and Ears

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At the opera, Mame started to fret
That she may have misplaced her lorgnette,
But the music she heard
Sounded really absurd!
Was that 8-track or maybe cassette?
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Slack Times

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Now THAT was a most hurtful crack…
…And the reason you called me a quack?
I’m not God, don’t you know;
I can’t make your thing grow –
Have your wife help you take up the thwack!
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Trimming It To The Core

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Her body was svelte, sleek and trim,
For herself (and to look good for him),
Lest her frame become dense
And he stray o’er the fence–
Such domestic noblesse that we limn!
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Phil's Catalina Sail - 2014

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Entry made in the Guest Book aboard "Dutch Courage," owned by van den Bosch
(one week prior to Catalina’s Buccaneer Days at Two Harbors)

Where to spend all our pillage and plunder?-
On an island that's almost split sunder.
Every day we find more
Of its harbors galore-
But to pick just one spot would be blunder.

Both the rails of Dutch Courage got washed
(And the crew of said boat mostly sloshed!)-
Not a reef would stay pinned
In the 20-knot wind-
Marv'lous week was fair spent van den Bosch'd.

Grand adventure lived day after day-
Dinghy fun, moonstone sands, dolphins play,
Fragrant sizzling stove,
Awesome reefs that we dove-
It was sad to slip moorings away.
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Tinkle-Toes

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Beat the ravage of Time? All men flee!
But from life’s ups-and-downs we’re not free;
On this most human topic
We obey laws entropic—
When we hit fifty years, we can’t pee.
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Mike M’s Birthday Dinner Toast

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What's to say of Mike's personal skills

As he navigates through social ills?
"Scarlet! Don't give a damn!"
Puts on fez, takes a dram,
Smokes cigars, and roars, "Send me no bills!"

Yet the lady beside him in life,

In our estimate, acts as a siph-
   on of grace from above,
As he push-pulls and shoves;
His joy seems that he husbands this wife.

Who's to say if it's righteous or just?

But we're told that each Burning Man must
Show that fade and decay
Come as years pass away--
Brawley Mike has returned to the dust.

Friends, before us tonight, Mike is kilted

In a garment that he himself built'd.
At his age, there's surprise
(And delight, we surmise)
Should he find that his kilt... it is tilted!
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UNBEFOULING THE NEST?

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If the home is considered her ‘nest,’
And the kids have done well and progressed,
When the count drops to two
And her focus is you,
In all likelihood YOU she’ll divest.

Several decades, her feelings repressed,
Caused her female mind to congest.
So we’re done now because
(just believe me) it does
Absolutely no good to protest.

@Kiran mentioned the great ‘acid test’
Of a marriage. More like an Inquest!
“After years of your slop,
We have come to full stop—
I regard you as naught but ‘egest.’ ”
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Crickety-Crick In My Nickity-Nick

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Dickety sticked his frist ickety-pick
‘Fore the widgety-thing went xick-click!
Irt the kickety-clock
Chirped sum hickety-pock—
Evermore it was slickety-slick.
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On Walking to Work on Walk to Work Day

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Walked to work once – about couple miles.
‘Long the way there were plenty of smiles;
For it’s humorous, see,
To step into some… sheesh!…
With black wingtips and spats, climbing stiles.

(from 4 April 2012)
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Still Singing Acappella to M&B’s Tune

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Filthy zombie -that M&B* fright!-
Cannot stay relegated to night;
They have reached their dead arm
To do S.S.I. harm-
And some lawyer pit bulls do the bite.

In a legal extortion (God damn!)
Acappella** found pockets to scam:
“Knowing M&B thieves,
We don’t care who relieves;
S.S.I. caved in once… twice we’ll slam!”

“Goofy Golfers***, our choice of the best
Legal minds, with their sharkskin suits pressed,
Threat’ning, play out this hoax
On those food-buying jokes-
Go ahead, fight this suit, be our guest!”

In an error of judgment so huge
It could open the gates of deluge,
Pay the creditors’ slate
Of the ex-wife’s estate-
The whole industry’s well-heeled stooge****.

Just how big must the invoice be
To allow bottom-feeders a fee?
Or, perhaps we just revel
This dance with the devil,
A rapacious thug, called Licensee.

*M & B – thieving brokers.
**Acappella – food company brokered (ie., ripped off) by M & B.
***Goff & Goff – vampires hired by Acappella, repeatedly.
****stooge: a spineless person of unquestioning obedience; a victim of ridicule or pranks (or lawsuits.)
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